001). Cum alegi o proasta din 100 de blonde ?.......Dai la nimereala
!
002). Ce spune doctorul McCoy inainte de a face o operatie pe
creier
unei blonde?
" Spatiul. Ultima frontiera......"
003). Cum se numesc 22 de blonde asezate in coloana ?
Tunel de vint.
004). Cum se numeste o blonda cu jumatate de creier ?
Norocoasa.
005). Ce spune o blonda cind afla ca e insarcinata ?
Sper ca e al meu !!!
006). Ce au blondele si sticlele de bere in comun ?
Amindoua sint goale de la git in sus.
007). Care este asemanarea intre un OZN si o blonda desteapta
?
Tot auzi de ele dar nu le vezi nicodata...
008). Cum numesti o blonda vopsita brunet ?
Inteligenta artificiala.
009). De ce maninca o blonda fasole simbata ?
Ca sa poata face baie cu bule duminica.
010). Cum moare o celula cenusie a unei blonde ?
Singura.
011). Cum masori inteligenta unei blonde ?
Prin introducerea unui manometru in ureche.
012). Cum tii o blonda ocupata toata ziua ?
R1: O pui intr-o camera rotunda si-i spui sa stea in colt.
R2: Scrii pe ambele fete ale unei coli "Citeste pe verso".
013). O blonda merge la Londra cu avionul; cum poti sa-i furi
locul
de la geam ?
Ii spui ca locurile care merg la Londra sint cele din centru.
014). Cum faci o blonda sa rada simbata ?
Ii spui o gluma miercuri.
015). Ce spune o blonda cind sparge un valoros vas Ming ?
" E in regula, taticule, nu m-am lovit ! "
016). If a blonde and a brunette fell out of an airplane, who
would
land first ?
The brunette, the blonde would have to stop and ask for directions.
017). Why does a blonde only change her baby's diapers once a
month ?
Because the label says, Good for up to 20 pounds.
018). How do you make a blonde's eyes light up ?
Shine a flashlight in her ear.
019). What do you call a brunette with a blonde on either side
?
An interpreter.
020). What's the difference between a blonde and a computer ?
You only have to put information into a computer once.
021). Why did the blonde climb over the glass wall ?
To see what was on the other side.
022). How did the blonde try to kill the bird ?
She threw it off of a cliff.
023). What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you ?
Pull the pin and throw it back.
024). Why do blondes always die before help arrives ?
They can't dial 911, there's no eleven on a telephone.
025). What's the advantage of being married to a blonde ?
You can park in a handicapped zone.
026). What do an intelligent blonde and a UFO have in common
?
You often hear about them, but you never see one.
027). Why do blondes hate the G.E.D.?
Because they can't spell it.
028). How many blonde jokes are there ?
None, they're all true.
029). What's the definition of gross ignorance ?
144 blondes.
030). Why can't blondes be pharmacists ?
Because they can't get the bottles into the typewriter.
031). How do you change a blonde's mind ?
Blow in her ear.
032). What did the blonde yell when she saw the car accident
?
I'll go and call 911, what's the number?
033). How do you keep a blonde busy ?
Give her a pack of M&M's and ask her to alphabetize them.
034). Why would a blonde wear green lipstick ?
Because red means Stop.
035). Why do blondes always fail driver's tests ?
Every time the car stops, they hop in the back seat.
036). What did the blonde's mom say before her daughter went
out
on a date ?
If you're not in bed by 10 PM, come home !
037). What are the first two things that a blonde does in the
morning ?
1. She introduces herself. 2. She goes home.
037). A blonde woman was very proud of herself for finishing
her jigsaw
puzzle in only eight months; after all, the box said 2-5 years.
038). One day, a blonde and her friend were walking through the
park.
Suddenly, the blonde's friend said, Oh, look, a dead birdie. The
blonde looked up and said, Where ? Where ?
039). Once upon a time, there was a blonde who had six young
boys, all
of whom she named 'Jimmy'. One day, her aunt asked, Why did you
name all of these boys 'Jimmy'? The blond said, So I can keep
track of 'em. The aunt gave her a wild look. So you can keep
track of 'em? How the heck can you do that when they're all named
'Jimmy'? The blonde looked at her aunt, shrugged and said, No
problem, I just call them by their last names.
040). Three blondes are attempting to change a light bulb. Then,
one of
them decides to call 911.
Blonde: We need help, me and two other blondes are trying to
change a light bulb.
Operator: Hmm. Have you put a fresh bulb in ?
B: Yes.
O: Is the power in the house turned on ?
B: Of course !
O: And the switch is on ?
B: Yes, yes !
O: And the bulb still won't light up ?
B: Actually, the bulb's working fine.
O: Then what's the problem ?
B: Well, we got dizzy spinning the ladder around, and we all fell
off and hurt ourselves.
041). Q1: What's the mating call of the blonde ?
A1: "I'm *sooo* drunk!"
Q2: What is the mating call of the ugly blonde?
A2: (Screaming) "I said: I'm drunk!"
042). Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink ?
Because, that's where you're supposed to wash vegetables !
043). Where do blondes go to meet their relatives?
At the vegetable garden.
044). How is a blonde like a frying pan ?
You have to get them hot before you put in the meat.
045). Why do blondes have little holes all over their faces ?
From eating with forks.
046). What does a blonde make best for dinner ?
Reservations.
047). How can you tell if a blonde is a good cook ?
She gets the pop tarts out of the toaster in one piece.
048). What is the difference between blondes and peanut butter
?
Peanut butter is a pleasure to spread on bread and a blonde
spreads for pleasure on a bed.
049). How do you change a blonde's mind ?
A1: Blow in her ear.
A2: Buy her another beer.
050). How does a blonde kill a fish ?
She drowns it.
051). Why are blonde's coffins Y-shaped ?
Because as soon as they are on their backs, their legs open.
052). Why did the blonde stare at the can of frozen orange juice
for
two hours ?
Because the can said "concentrate" on it.
053). What is the difference between a blond and a 747 ?
Not everyone has been in a 747.
054). What is the blonde doing when she holds her hands tightly
over
her ears ?
Trying to hold on to a thought.
055). Why don't blondes have elevator jobs ?
They don't know the route.
056). Why do blondes work seven days a week ?
So you don't have to retrain them on Monday.
057). What's the difference between a blonde and a broom closet
?
Only one man fits inside a broom closet at once.
058). What's the difference between a blonde and a phone booth
?
A1: You need a quarter to use the phone.
A2: Only one person can use the phone at once.
059). Why did god give blonds 2% more brains than horses ?
Because he didn't want them shitting in the streets during
parades.
060). How does the blond turn on the light after she has had
sex ?
She opens the car door.
061). How do you describe a blonde, surrounded by drooling idiots
?
Flattered.
062). What do you get when you cross a blonde and a lawyer ?
I don't know, there are some things even a blonde won't do.
063). Why was the blonde wearing her sunglasses ?
She was having sunny periods.
064). What two things in the air can get a blonde pregnant ?
Her feet.
065). What's the disease that paralyzes blondes below the waist
?
Marriage.
066). How does a blonde interpret 6.9 ?
A 69 interrupted by a period.
067). How do you confuse a blonde ?
You don't. They're born that way.
068). What does a blonde say after multiple orgasms ?
Way to go team !
069). Why do blondes have vaginas ?
So guys will talk to them at parties.
070). Why does the blonde stand in front of a window during a
thunder storm?
She loves taking pictures (flashes, got it?).
071). What's the first thing a blonde says in the morning ?
"Thanks, guys..."
072). Care e diferenta dintre o blonda si o galeata de cacat
?
Galeata.
073). Ce vezi cind te uiti adinc in ochii unei blonde ?
Ceafa.
074). What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you ?
Run like hell she's got a grenade in her mouth.
075). Did you hear about the blonde who stood in front of a mirror
with
her eyes closed ?
She wanted to see what she looked like asleep.
076). Did you hear about the new form of birth control for blondes
?
They take off their makeup.
077). Why do blondes wear tight skirts ?
To keep their legs together.
078). Why did the blonde keep ice cubes in the freezer ?
So she could keep the refrigerator cold.
079). How many blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb ?
Blondes screw in back seats, not in lightbulbs, silly.
080). Why couldn't the blonde write the number ELEVEN ?
She didn't know what ONE came first...
081). Why don't blondes talk when having sex ?
Their mothers told them not to talk to strangers.
082). How many blondes does it take to make a circuit ?
Two, one to stand in the bathtub, and another to pass her the
blow dryer !
083). How is a blonde like a postage stamp ?
You lick'm, stick'em, and send'em on their way.
084). How can you tell when a FAX had been sent from a blonde
?
There is a stamp on it.
085). What's the difference between a blonde and a toothbrush
?
You don't let your best friend borrow your toothbrush.
086). What's the difference between a blonde and a rooster ?
In the morning a rooster says, "Cock'll-doodl-doooo", while a
blonde says, "Any-cock'll-doooo."
086). What's the difference between a blonde and a limousine
?
Not everybody has been in a limo.
087). What is the difference between a blonde and the Grand Old
Duke of
York ?
The Grand Old Duke of York only 'had' 10000 men.
088). Why is it good to have a blonde passenger ?
You can park in the handicap zone.
089). Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks ?
It takes too long to retrain them.
090). Why do blondes drive BMWs ?
Because they can spell it.
091). What do you get when you offer a blonde a penny for her
thoughts ?
Change.
092). What does a blonde say if you blow in her ear ?
" Thanks for the refill ! "
093). What do you call a skeleton in the closet with blonde hair
?
Last years hide-and-seek winner.
094). What do you call a blonde lesbian ?
A waste.
095). What do you call 10 blondes standing ear to ear ?
A wind tunnel.
096). What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells ?
Pregnant.
097). What do you call a blonde in an institution of higher learning
?
A visitor.
098). What do you call a blonde with half a brain ?
Gifted !
099). What do you call a blonde with a dollar on the top of their
head ?
All you can eat, under a buck.
100). What do you call a fly buzzing inside a blonde's head ?
A Space Invader.
101). What do you see when you look into a blonde's eyes ?
The back of her head.
102). What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more
attractive ?
Her ankles.
103). What did the blonde's mum say to her before the blonde's
date ?
If you're not in bed by 12, come home.
104). Why did the blonde smile when she walked the marriage aisle
?
She realized she gave her last blowjob.
105). Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet ?
So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.
106). Why did God create blondes ?
Because sheep can't bring beer from the fridge.
107). Why did God create brunettes ?
Neither could the blondes.
108). Why did the blond take her typewriter to the doctor ??
She thought it was pregnant because it missed a period.
109). What is the connection between a blonde and a halogen headlamp
?
They both get screwed on the front of a Ford Escort.
110). Why did the blonde fail her drivers license ?
She wasn't used to the front seat !
111). Did you hear about the blond skydiver ?
She missed the Earth !
112). What did the blonde name her pet zebra ?
Spot.
113). Why are blondes like cornflakes ?
Because they're simple, easy and they taste good.
114). Did you hear about the blonde coyote ?
Got stuck in a trap, chewed off three legs and was still stuck.
115). Did you here about the blonde who shot an arrow into the
air ?
She missed.
116). What did the blonde's right leg say to the left leg ?
Nothing - they've never met.
117). What is the blonde's chronic speech impediment ?
She can't say "No".
118). What is it called when a blonde blows in another blond's
ear ?
Data transfer.
119). A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should
cut it in
six or twelve pieces.
"Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."
120). What's a blonde's idea of safe sex ?
Locking the car door.
121). What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents
occur
around the home ?
She moved.
122). What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty ?
A blonde parade.
123). Did you hear about the blonde who tried to blow up her
husband's
car ?
She burned her lips on the tailpipe.
124). Ce le zice o blonda copiilor ei ?
" Sa stiti si voi ca mi-am luat de la gura ca sa va fac pe voi "
125). O blonda cu niste casti , si un walkmen intra intr-un coafor,
sa se tunda ....
Se aseaza pe scaun , si zice : " Vreau sa ma tund ."
" Trebuie sa-ti dai jos castile " - ii spune frizerul
Blonda : " Nu , nu pot sa fac asta ! Daca mi-as scoate castile , as
muri !!! "
Frizerul incepe sa o tunda pe unde mai putea si el ,fara sa-i scoata
castile... Cand vede nu mai avea ce sa mai tunda , ii spune
blondei : " Gata , nu se mai poate , tre' sa-ti scoti castile !"
Blonda :
" Nu nici gand ! Daca mi le scot , sigur o sa mor !"
Frizerul mai tunde el , ce mai tunde , si la un momen'dat ii scoate
castile .
Blonda mai trage o data aer in piept , dupa care cade jos moarta ..
Curios , frizerul ridica castile , si le pune la urechi sa auda ce
asculta blonda
...
" Inspirati , respirati , inspirati , respirati ..."
126). Care e diferenta dintre oglinda si o blonda ?
In oglinda-ti belesti ochii...
127). Cum stii ca o blonda e stresata ?
Cind are tamponul dupa ureche si cauta peste tot afurisitul de
creion !
128). Stiti de ce le-a dat Dumnezeu femeilor ciclu ?
Pentru ca merita, fir-ar mama lor a dracu' !
129). Care e asemanarea dintre o blonda si UNIX ?
Amindoua sint multi-tasking si multi-user.
130). Cum convingi o blonda sa se marite cu tine ?
Ii spui ca este insarcinata.
Ce va intreba ea ?
Este al meu ?
131). O blonda comanda o pizza ...
In cate feli sa v-o tai ? In 6 sau in 12 ?
Blonda : In 6 , n-as putea niciodata sa mananc 12 felii !
132). O blonda, o bruneta si o roscata urcau cu liftul . La un
moment
dat, bruneta vede o pata alba pe podeaua liftului :
- Arata de parca ar fi sperma...
Roscata se apleaca, miroase pata si zice :
- Si miroase a sperma...
Blonda baga degetul, gusta si spune :
- Sigur nu e a cuiva din cladirea asta...
